After a long and needed hiatus, I have returned to the trenches to dedicate myself to the mission that I have been neglecting. I am a writer, but more so, I am a student and a teacher of some sorts. As I decided to fully eccept my lot in life; to be a writer, good or bad, but writer no less. I few months ago, I was having a cup of coffee in a wonderful, hidden sanctuary for the souls who hide in little taverns made of old books and art like this one. I had written two books, only to self-publish one...for now. I was overhearing a story that affirmed what so many of us who reside in the underground movements of our society that the non-profit, you know the ones that just linger around doing just enough in the name of humanity to get that next $1,200 grant, what they have sadly become. The young man who was telling his story about his last employer, shared that he had spent the last year working for a non-profit organization that at one time, long ago, helped him or perhaps a better word, inspired him get back on his feet. He lamented though that unfortunately the spirit within the old walls that housed this particular organization, that inspired him over 10 years ago ceases to exist now. At first, when he accepted the position, his mind was convinced that it was the same place, the same safe place where he can let his hair down about being gay but a strong advocate for women's rights (ok that can work for me) and be himself and do what he loves: help people. He paused then and let out a sigh. The drama of the story just dripped like caramel of off my coffee cup heated with steam milk. He continued by sharing about all these religious and spiritual books that he had read about letting your spirit be your guide. Instead. he said he had allowed his mind to make the choice for him. As the truth unveiled itself regarding the true nature of the culture he had found himself in, he convinced himself that he can tolerate the environment of an organization that had destroyed its original foundation and had used the cheap materials of hypocrisy to rebuild itself. And then his friend posed a question, "what was the lesson that you were to learn and how will you grow so you can pull you roots from the muck (that's right the muck) and move on to greener pastures?" The main character of this coffee shop tragedy left little room for excuses. The main character sat for a moment, curled a small piece of his blonde hair around his finger and smiled. I was waiting for more grief, and plain old bitching but he got really serious in the face and I knew at that moment I would have to write about this man's story regardless of the outcome.
He said, "certainly I had to work there to experience what it is like to work for an organization that at one time was a "safe house." Instead, it had become nothing more than another money-hungry monster that had fallen into the trap of compromising its employees for the sake of saving face. I "thought", mind you, that I would be in a good place with an organization that prides itself on helping others." I then I had a vision of the Wizard of Oz making all his promises just to save his ass and I thought this sounds like this man was treated as disposable, as powerless and then sent away. I wanted to get up off my feet and vow that I would write what had happened to him because I was an advocate for people. I sat motionless instead, knowing how crucial it is to not interrupt a storyteller. He continued by saying, "any good teacher will tell you that there are lessons to be learned everyday regardless of what you think you know. I have read books about allowing your spirit to lead your mind as your body follows and I ended up doing the complete opposite. In the 25 years I worked in the private sector, I honestly had thought I had come home when I ventured into the non-profit sector. I thought that a 40 year old organization would be founded on honesty, compassion and truth. Instead, I slowly woke up to the realization that "God is Dead" which means "Love is Dead" to most humanitarian organizations."
He took another sip of his drink and sat back in his chair. What happened to him that he would be so judgemental so broken-hearted? Just as those thoughts fell out of my head, he answered the question. "I was sexually assaulted by a man who I was suppose to be mentoring. I was stunned when it happened but by then it was too late. I had allowed this man everyday to harass me, say sexually suggestive comments and manhandle me. Even I knew why he didn't report this man to upper management because most abused people don't register that they are being victimized, so their mind finds creative ways to justify the behavior. In this young man's situation, he didn't want to get the harasser in trouble. By the time in had progressed to sexual assault my subject of interest had been accused of being the harasser instead of the other way around. I observed his face as it fell low with sadness and disappointment. By not standing up for what was really going on, he was falsely accused and then after what I call political horse talk, because usually asses are doing the talking, the "women" in the room who at least in their world considered themselves powerful, demanded that incident be dropped and never spoken of again. Less than 9 months later, the young man was fired. At that moment my hand started shaking. By the end of the conversation I knew the name of the organization and I pitied them. Because when one snake makes it into the hen house, there will be more. And well we know what happens when a snake is found somewhere it shouldn't be. Espcially if their is a shovel in hand. I am a strong believer in Karma and that God's vengeance cannot be reckoned with. It may seem like this man had turned the other cheek, but there is a whole other afterlife that has eternity at the palm of its hands and I believe it has a different for definition and set of laws when it comes to "rightful punishment" when something just got "brushed under the carpet."
The politics fly high and the more people you can step on the more powerful you believe you are becoming. Yes, there is an awakening occurring in our world and people are realizing life is multi-dimensional but unfortunately those who chose to live as if the ground under their feet is going to save them are the same people who shove past others as if they are disposable when in reality they just brushed by an enlightened person. Our minds are machines, that is all. And when something sounds, looks, feels good then it must be good, right? Wrong. That is the irony of it all. In the end, no matter what spiritual beliefs you have, if any, if you dismiss the impact you make with your actions towards others and this world, there will always be a price to pay. In fact, the victimizer often times ends up in a worst state than their victims. The ultimate lesson here is to remember that forgiveness is absolutely essential if one is to make a clearing for the right things to come to pass. Your Spirit can' t function the way it was intended to if your mind is running the show, or worse somebody else's mind. Every human being has a choice, to do right or wrong. The best way to know which way to turn is to ask yourself before you do or say something "is this going to benefit me and/or the person that I am taken action towards?" If the answer is no, don't pass go my friend.
I have lived long enough but even though I still have a long way to go, I have seen the law of what comes around goes around take effect on my own life and the lives of others. You will always reap what you sow. Listening to my neighboring coffee drinker in my favorite writing joint, I take on the unlawful treatment this man endured upon myself as as if it was my own experience with an organization that makes false promises and is hollow like a cactus tree, I weep for the souls of those who live in a illusion that they are doing good things. We don't get to choose what our commission in our lifetime. We are lucky if we wake up to it quickly enough to fullfill most of it. That is a destiny sort of thing and would take another article to explain. But I will say plan all that you want, put all you got into your dreams but don't ever think you can orchestrate the outcome to unravel exactly as you imagined. As for me, I realize how little I know about humans and their capability of hurting their fellow man or woman. It is the ones that wear painted faces and think that their gentle tone of voice can hide the condition of their soul. My lesson here is that when you wake up from the dream stay awake. Because like Dorothy falling asleep in the field, you never know when the evil part of a man will attempt to misguide you.
The only spirit's condition I want to be accountable for is mine. As this man described how he threw his name tag away and burned his business cards as a closing ritual, I wondered if he had been humbled enough that he allowed this situation to some way manifest internal power for knowing that he knows the truth and the truth always finds its way out of any grave you bury it in it. He seemed as if he was a kindred soul of sorts so hopefully he eventually walked away and humbled himself to God for remind him that the only agenda for this life and the there after is love and spreading it throughout the world. I wondered like me, did he get that he no longer has to allow the energy coming from outside himself dressed to the kilt with vomiting nostalgia or a belief that he needed to give back to an organization that once was was and that he had escaped their curse of mediocracy.
I thanked him quietly as I felt the dark writer within me, the Crow I call her, who was biting at the bit to write out her favorite kind of stories. Stories about the existence of darkness so that enlightened individuals can live with the knowing that this nemis within us all exists and whenever we can we must educate the dull mind so it awakens to the lunacy that the Devil did not make anybody do it and that it is your own damn job to slay your own dragon. You can face the person the world has convince you of who are to be in this world and change back to that magnificant knight or princess that used to exist long ago or be like the cattle every day that wake up, sell their souls in the morning and then haggle with Devil to get it back at night.
Keep it simple; don't let your mind create mirages that titillate your senses and make you feel good inside. Look at the roots of every situation that poses itself to you. If they are rotting so is the fruit. The fool is the one who chooses to eat the fruit instead of going a little hungry. I am glad that this person got spit out before he got tainted to the point that he couldn't release himself from the grip of certain individuals that remain asleep at the broken place he worked at. Thanks be to the Spirit, the Universal Mind, that thrives to awaken us to the true human spirit that is meant to fly, not be caged by bigots and liars. I wished as I collected my things that I will honor my next main character. And the Crow...she wakes me up quickly especially after I hear stories like I just did about people being thrown to the ground by individuals who had truly snowed him. The laws that govern the spiritual realm are far more powerful and dangerous than anything the mind of a person can conjure up. Power trips that executive directors jerk off to, 25 year old managers and burnt out employees that feed off things of this world that will never fulfill the need within.
How sad, how true and part of the ongoing between good and evil. Our families, our communties, our towns our cities can only be replenished by selfless acts of love. With that said, my hopes are the people will be released who slumber in the sinking sand of deception. Perhaps one day they will awaken to the immoral destruction of their lives and still have a chance to redeem themselves. As a student and a teacher of life I ask forgiveness from you, my readers, my fellow travelers of life. I neglected my destiny, my calling because I had chosen to believe another person's perception of what my reality should look like for so long. Instead I ended up running out of burning house made out of deck of cards full of jokers. The sad thing is that nobody that matters is laughing, and some day those who are burning and don' t feel the heat will eat the crops that their poisoned seeds have produced. Like the man in the coffeehouse I realized I have been wronged, my famly, friends, strangers, the general human race. Some of us have feel and never got up. Then there are those who did quite the opposite. Don't think that God is not taking notes. We are in for a big surprise one day. I wish only a speedy recovery from any wounds that were inflicted on this man by his form employer and that he will not have to consciously forgive countless times until the stinger comes out of his heart and he is able to look upon his experience with gratitude and hopefully with his soul intact.
In Love & Faith,
Athena Kapantas
President
SELF, INC. Life Program
www.selfinclifeprogram.com
athena@selfinclifeprogram.com
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